New Moon: Gemini.
how do you ask someone “what are we doing?” without coming off like you’re asking for a relationship? i thought of the guy friends i could ask and knew they would not steer me in the wrong direction, but ultimately, i decided to ask myself. and i came to the simple conclusion: you just ask it.
no need for cute bells and whistles or sugar coating. you just say…
“what are we doing? i like it. i enjoy spending time with you, and i don’t want that to change. if anything, i’d like more time spent with you. i don’t have a blueprint for what more looks like and i probably never will, but i can be transparent in saying i have love for you and i’m currently unsure how to express it. the way we communicate now makes me feel like an afterthought at times, as if i am more tolerated than i am welcomed, celebrated, or prioritized, making me unsure if i’m the only person between the two of us who considers the possibility of ‘more,’ and it’s okay if i am.”
and you continue on to say…
“i believe there’s a potential for this to be greater than what we’re settling for and in order for that to happen, i need you to say what you mean and mean what you say. if you say you’re calling back, call back. if you say i’ll hear from you before the weekend is out, i should hear from you before the weekend is out. if you say you want to be there for me, be there when i need you.
i have no expectations on what ‘more’ should or would look like, but i do have expectations on what self-love looks like to me and it’s important to me that i have this conversation with you as an act of self-love. no matter how uncomfortable or awkward or terrifying. it is important to me that i show up for myself even if things are scary, uncertain, or out of my control. i’d rather speak up for a chance at better: better sex, better conversation, than silently wonder what better could look like.”
and then you finish by saying…
“please don’t see this conversation as an ultimatum. this isn’t one of those ‘if i don’t get the answer i want you’re cut off’ situations. it’s simply a ‘i move with intention and i’d like to be intentional with regard to what energy is being invested here’ situations. i don’t know where your head is at and i don’t know your current situation, but i do know i have the capacity to connect on a deeper level and i’d like to do that with you if you’re down for the ride.”
love and relationships and sex can all be super intimidating and overwhelming when you allow yourself to get lost in the power plays and games and politics of it. so many factors are out of your control, but doing your best with the parts you do control is how you take your power back.
be transparent. be vulnerable. show up, for you and for them.
i don’t want a love built on games, politics, or power plays. i want a love built on authenticity, transparency, and vulnerability. i want a love that’s raw, limitless, and genuine because that’s the love i strive to give to myself.
